RIP to Rica's Lolo

Last Saturday, Ed informed me that Rix' lolo passed away. I could hardly imagine how Rix is feeling right now. Rix always told me how her grandparents meant so much to her. She used to tell me how much she mourned when her lola passed away back then... and now it's her lolo.

And to me, the most frustrating part is that I can't console my friend. I don't have a cellphone line right now so I was kinda 'out of touch' with most of my friends these past weeks... hence, I only learned from Ed about the passing of Rix' lolo.

I sent a text message (using my mom's phone) to Rix, but I don't know if she received it. She didn't reply.

I wanted to call her but a part of me backed out. Yes, it's so pathetic on my part. I refused to call her because I didn't know what to say. Things like: 'Could I comfort her?'; 'If I come to her lolo's wake, will I have the guts to face her?'. The thing is, I didn't know what to say.

Rix and I used to be real close. She's someone I'm so comfortable with. I was able to share things to her which I don't normally share even to my closest friends. There was even a time before when I wanted to go crying, running into her... but always toughened up at the last minute and saying 'everything is ok' when she asks me if I'm ok.

Then time passed: she became busy with her work, and I have my own problems too. We rarely get to see, nor even talk on the phone anymore.

Time passed, and before I realized, it's almost a year without us seeing each other or having a real conversation. Time flew so fast. Now that I realized it, I wonder how she feels about our friendship.

"Does she still considers me as one of her close friends?" I asked myself that question a few months ago. I know her circle of friends grew and she met a lot of different people, and I'm quite sure she now have other good friends to comfort her.

And there lied the dilemma when I texted her last Saturday to give my condolences. I figured, I guess she wouldn't need me comforting her just like I used to do back then. Her other friends are probably doing it right now.

Yes, it's pathetic for me not to call her personally. I was even pathetic to not try and miss-call her phone out of fear she might call back. Blame my insecurities for that. I don't know what kind of Rica to expect. I don't know what to answer if she asks: "Where have you been all this time?".

Again, blame my insecurities.

The thing is, Rix will always be special to me. Even if we're not that close as we used to be before (and even if we never get to return to that), she'll always be special.

If Rix happens to read this post in this little blog of mine, it's just a little way of saying that I still care for her. She's still one of those people I always think about time after time.

And I doubt that she gets to read this (because of her busy lifestyle). After a few weeks, this post will be buried in a myriad of other posts... but if she do get to read this, I hope it explains why "I wasn't there" during this difficult moment of her life.

RIP to Rix' lolo. Rix is so fortunate to have such good grandparents (yes, she told me); and likewise, her grandparents are so lucky to have such a brilliant, kind, and beautiful granddaughter in Rix. My condolences to the Quiambao-Hizon family.

EDIT:
Something in me decided to go and check my mom's phone, just now. It turns out Rix actually texted back. It was dated, June 2 at 1:52am. My mom was probably too 'ulyanin' to tell me someone has texted back to my message. ;(