dreams

Dreams not as in the moments you see when you're asleep, but dreams as in ambition. Have you ever thought up what's your dream in life is? People ask me that a lot these recent times, most specially my mom. "What is my ambition?" "What do i want to do?" Do i want to go to some company and work my ass 9-5 daily? Hell no! So what is? And then it hit me... It occured to me that i've always wanted to travel the world! Yes, I want to go! Go out to see places I've never been to! Wouldn't it be nice to roam the towns in Europe just carrying a backpack and sleeping in hostels? Or surf the beaches of the bahamas? Or trek the forests of the himalayas... I want to see the different cultures around the world... I dont want to be confined in just ours!

I feel like im so binded in this current state of mine and I feel suffocated. I want to break free! I'm not getting any younger, and already I can feel my mortality. I know I'm to blame for my current state... You know, still studying when i should be working now. I know I messed up college.. I never took it too seriously. I always felt like i'm just obligated to finish schooling just for the contentment of my parents... I never felt like I need to finish it for my own fulfillment and satisfaction. That's the sad part! If I had just been that serious in college, I would've graduated by now... and probably, JUST probably, I'm already out of this country roaming the streets of another.

Recently, I told Rix about my dream. She found it funny. Even if her reaction was just a joke, or just a friendly remark-- Still, she found it funny. He he. well I don't blame her. It really does sound funny to others... You know, telling them that you want to travel the world then come back home years later just to retire 'cause you're too old to travel anymore, or because you've realized that there's no place like home. Yeah, it looks funny even to me that I'm writing about it now. Just imagine, why the hell did I study programming when I would just waste my time later by travelling... Or where the hell will I get the money to travel if I don't even have a job... Or what would I eat or where do I leave when I'm out there somewhere in the world... Yeah, it is funny, this dream of mine. :(

It made me realize that I've got a long way to go on achieving my dreams. Time is ticking and there's no more time to waste. My 23rd november has come and I'm not getting any younger! I've taken a long detour in college and now i've got to pick up myself. Finish this god-damn thesis and get the hell out of college. Get a job or two, save a few bucks here and there... And when i've enough dough, then i'll definitely consider the option of leaving. Just one oppurtunity! God, just one oppurtunity! Get out of here... far, far from here.

It's kinda funny that I don't even consider the thoughts of marrying and settling down. Even as a kid, I don't remember if I even dreamt of having a family and settling down. when I was a kid, I've dreamt of becoming a scientist... a writer... a lawyer... hell, even a boxer (but that's just because I wanted to knock the tooth out of one of my classmate back in 2nd grade!)... but to marry? I don't think I've ever dreamt of that. Maybe I did but I can't remember. Then again, maybe I'm just one of those restless souls that doesn't want to be contained. On the contrary, maybe because I just haven't met someone yet who I think I can settle down with... Who knows? Maybe I'll just let destiny unfold for me... That way it'll be more exciting! Who knows, maybe I'll get to meet someone out there somewhere during my travels! Ha Ha.. Kinda makes me want to listen to songs like "Somewhere Out There" and "Moon River". Ha Ha! Yeah... who knows? :)

Below are some of my past travels outside the country. The first pic was from Ocean Park, Hong Kong with my sister; The 2nd pic is also taken from Hong Kong... Planet Hollywood; The 3rd and 4th pic is taken from Vietnam, during a boat trip/island hopping there with my mom. All these were during my HS freshman year! GAWD!! It's been too long now!!! I have to travel!!! PLEASE!!! Ha ha! :)