this is hell

This is hell... Thissis Hell... Thisis Hell... Well, you get the fucking idea, right?! Again, I repeat: I won't elaborate much on this blog site. All I can say is that there's some big, fucked up dillema right now. Last week, up until now, is a rollercoaster of emotions. Last friday, I even broke down because of our problem. It was the first time I cried in front of some of my friends. I broke down completely! I even skipped the much anticipated get together last Saturday because the problem was already eating me. Instead I went to Medical City to visit my good friend Richard who was confined there. Together with Verge and his girlfriend Karen, we stayed there 'till about 12. We then went to Libis to eat. When I got up Sunday morning, I was already okay. This is a problem, and I will find a solution.

But even all this, the scar has already been done. And it's a painful reminder of losing trust. It's comparable to that of a cadet losing trust and respect for his superior. Yes, I feel betrayed. I lost respect for people whom I thought were respectable. They certainly proved me wrong about them. One of them, I even considered as a friend. That was the painful part.

Besides all this, in turn, I gained respect for one woman. Someone who I used to laugh at at times a year ago. Instead, she turned out to be a woman of great character and strength. Someone with a strong sense of justice. Someone who will defend the weak. In short, someone genuinely respectable. During these few days of talking to her, I learned a lot more than my whole stay in UST. Fuck programming and lessons, what I've learned from her is more valuable than all that. I gained new insights. She has certainly instilled strength to our hearts and minds. God bless her.

Another 'newly-found mentor' told me this quote and I will forever remember it: "If a student doesn't learn in the way the teacher teaches, the teacher must teach in a way that the students can learn."

Another thing I discovered about me because of all this problems is that... I'm not so nice after all. Watch your back. This is certainly a different Fil Capul from now on.