sore

I'm so tired these past few days. I'm almost always in UST, fixing a cross enroll form for another University. I'm so exhausted of trying to make contact with different people just to fix this cross enroll problem. "Sana matapos nalang", yun nalang ang iniisip ko eh. The only thing I enjoy about taking subjects from different places is meeting new people. New environment, new friends. :) Then yung thesis, pipilitin ko talagang matapos na this summer. Sawang sawa na ako sa UST!!!!!!!! Yun nga lang, hindi ako nagsasawa sa mga magagandang babae sa UST! Haha! Dami eh! ;p

It's been hot these couple of days... I meant the temperature. Tuwing lalakad pa naman ako, halos laging tanghaling tapat. Parang gusto ko nalang mag hubad eh. Dapat magpasa ng law sa senate eh: Pwedeng mag beach attire nalang kahit saan sa Metro Manila tuwing summer. Hahaha! Ang saya siguro nun! Laking ginhawa. Siguradong iboboto ko ang candidato na ipapatupad yun! Haha.

Another thing, I went back to the gym 3 days ago after almost a month hiatus. Yung first day, nag arms workout kaagad ako. Since I have few creatine tablets left, ginamit ko. So todo workout! Shit, nung kinabukasan hindi ko na madiretso yung arms ko! Literally! It's hurts so much whenever I try to straighten it. Sana mawala kaagad yung sakit... excited na ako mag-back workout eh! ;(

I've been down this past couple of weeks. I miss a lot of people. Ed, Dale, Mark, Pilep, Oninz, Pay, Drey, Jem, and Dom... these are my college barkadas. Imagine that I endured a whole year without their company. ;(

Probably the one I'll miss the most is Dom. They'll be leaving Filinvest for Katipunan at the end of the month! For the sake of his brother who's studying in Ateneo. I've been with her for my whole college life. We're classmates, seatmates, barkada, partners in crime, always magkasabay umuwi, and we're neighbors! Well, neighbors until she moves out on the 31st. :( It's so sad to think that she's no longer near our house. Dati kasi kung may gusto ako idaan or iabot sa kanya, alam kong anytime pwede ko siya puntahan. Nakakalungkot talaga isipin na wala na siya diyan sa village. Mangyayari niyan, baka minsan nalang siguro kami magkikita ni Dom. I'll miss her company! :(

Another person I miss the most is Rix! Hoy Rix, alam kong mababasa mo ito! Alagaan mo ang sarili mo! Sobrang concerned talaga ako sa iyo! Kung alam mo lang talaga! Kung alam mo lang... :( Wag kang magpapagod ah! And magpa-checkup ka na! Ang tagal na nun! Kaw talaga, pasaway! Hehe! Na-touched talaga ako when you showed concern when I was down this past weeks. Hindi ako sumasagot ng tawag pero nachambahan mo talaga na ako yung sumagot! Iba ka talaga! Haha! I miss you very much my dear friend! Promise me you'll take care of yourself! :)

black sheep

I'm officially the BLACK SHEEP of today's San Buenaventura generation. The only reason I'm not the black sheep from the Capul side of the family is because there are cousins far worse than me... and it's only a matter of time before I top each and everyone of them! I am now 23, and still a BUM! I don't know what happened to me. Not to brag but I was an A-list student when I was a kid, an exceptional student in grade school, and was an OK student in high school. When I reached college, everything went to total meltdown. Up until now, I'm still thinking: "What the fuck went wrong?!" I know I had my lion's share of problems which I keep to myself but that is not enough reason to justify my degradation. Nino, come back... it's time to ditch Fil...

300

I recently watched 300, the film adaptation of Frank Miller's ("Sin City") graphic novel of the same title, which itself is a loose adaptation about the Battle of Thermopylae. As the history books go, the story is about King Leonidas, king of the Spartans, gathering 300 warriors to take a stand against a Persian army of millions led by their arrogant, self-proclaimed god King Xerxes.

Although there is not enough plot to make it a deep movie, it is adrenaline packed! The battle scenes are remarkable and superbly done. It also has the "feel" of a videogame wherein you battle hordes and hordes of enemies until you reach the end where a "Boss" battle awaits you.

Overall, this is a great action movie. Not enough plot to make it deep, but very entertaining none the less. Also, I wouldn't be surprised if coaches of sports teams show this to flick to their players before an important game, as it is very inspiring. This is one of the more enjoyable films I've seen in recent times. Watch it!

***On the side note, this flick features BUUUUFFFFF male bodies! This wanna make me go to the gym and pump some weights! Haha. If you're wondering what workout the actors of 300 did, check out this video.

Finally, the Lakers won!

What does it take for the Lakers to win and break a 7-game skid? Simple. Have Kobe Bryant score 65 points on 23-39 shooting, 8-12 from the 3-point range, and 11-12 from the free throw line! If that won't do it, I don't know what will. Go Lakers!

ode to my fucked up self

It's been a while since I last blogged. So much has happened. Another semester has come and passed... this time, the most important semester in my college life, my supposed "last" semester. Unfortunately, not everything went into plan. I'm a little disappointed actually.

I sacrificed a lot. By God, I swear I did! So, of all people, it is I who should feel the most disappointed, right?! But what I'm feeling right now is that I let people down! I'm so fucked up right now that I can go for an hour staring at one place, just my mind flying away, lost in thoughts. I'm not exaggerating! My mom said so too... I accompanied her to the hospital again, and for the duration of the trip, I was silent like a mute.

Last Friday, I was supposed to go to Ed's birthday treat. I wasn't able to because my emotions got the best of me. It was a mixture of disappointment, anxiety, sadness, and frustration. On top of that, my recent failures was slowly but surely sinking in to me. I was thinking, "Why the fuck am I partying? I don't have the right to be celebrating!" I was looking instead for someone to talk to, someone I can trust. Sadly, I found no one. I never felt so alone in my life. Most of all, I feel so guilty letting my friends down... but I'm just human! The feelings I have so long suppressed is getting the best of me. I'm thinking that even if I did went to the party, I might have ruined it because of my distasteful mood. I love Ed, he's like a brother to me, and I want him to have a great night of celebration... and there's no way I'm gonna let a fool like me ruin it. That party was better off without me, that I assure.

To sum up this blog: "I am not feeling well, emotionally." I am not alright. When you ask me personally, I'll tell you I am OK, but I'm not! I'm really not! I'm just that kind of person, the type that doesn't want to worry others. The only reason I'm writing about this here is because I have the notion that people don't read blogs. This is my therapy. It is similar to confiding your secret to a mannequin... just a security blanket of sorts. And if people do read about this, it'll be the few, close ones who really care. Feelings that I've suppressed are now wanting to burst out, and my current disappointments and failures are slowly sinking in. Yes, I am a mess right now. Best way to deal with me right now is to just leave me alone. It would've been better if I was still the old me, who would've just spat on someone else's face when provoked, who would've just lashed out when angered... but I'm not. I tried so hard to build this new me... and I want to preserve it. As you can see right now... yes, I AM a fucking mess! I'm lonely and I'm alone... and shit is getting through me.

And do you know what the hardest part is? Maintaining a happy face.